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Total transparency in the midst of a life in which we are so trained to be look and do our best? I don't want to feel, all those memories smashing in on me, too much to even comprehend, the nightmare that was last March. This March is like a tide coming in that never stops. I went to the doctor with chest pains and all the tests were fine. Maybe as Matt says to me " your heart is broken, girl" . Read a little about the heart chakra and it seems we carry grief in the chest, the back, the neck. The weight of it.



Elizabeth said she loves Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; and saves those who are crushed in spirit." I think now of that dream I had years ago- that the whole family was together and the water was coming up . We were scared and along came Daddy in the old van and we all got in and he was smiling but he didn't say anything.

Elizabeth says things that make sense. She told me she loves the book Horton Hears a Who. She said sometimes we are Horton the big loopy elephant just trying to see God in everything , redemption. And sometimes we are just the dust speck, overwhelmed. And the elephant is God, he's never going to forget us" .

The clay angel I made Mommy years ago has over time fallen off the windowsill and lost first a wing and then a foot.